Endless Has Never Been So Limited

Enjoy it while it lasts. Artist: Fo~do

Warning if you don't want to question your existence etc.

This is an uncut rant. Most of my rants are uncut.

Bringing up a rant topic that I have been wanting to discuss for a while. Kirsty's rant makes me want to rant. Ranting makes the world go round. What I'm going to talk about infuriates me to no end. Most of this anger being my own indecisiveness. 

One thing I will start with is this: Do you have that relative that just asks you again and again: "What are you going to be when you grow up?"

To that question I usually give a polite smile and quietly shake my head. This question. All adults love to ask their kids this. And anyone who knows me knows how well I can answer this question, and that percentage of knowing isn't even a positive number. I remember in the past where some people would ask me about the future and I'd answer something between, "How should I know," to ,"I might be dead by then". The future is unpredictable and we shouldn't strain our brains trying to find an answer to that. Even so, if we do find the future, what good will it bring to us? Sure if the world were to end tomorrow we'd all run wild and do whatever we want. The last day recorded wouldn't be something pleasant. In that case, isn't it better if everything is unpredictable? Do we really want to know what lies ahead? If that future were so, would we just end up killing ourselves before we reached that end? In that case, what is this "career" and "education" we've been working all our lives towards end up as? Shit. Just shit. Something that doesn't have meaning. Money and knowledge mean nothing in the after-world. And as far as I like to think, there IS no after-world. So our existence beyond what we can imagine is nothing. I don't like to be a nihilistic thinker and I generally call myself an optimistic person, but when you think about these possibilities, this is what comes up. And all of this comes back to one thought.

Sometimes I think that I'm just making excuses for myself and my indecisiveness about my future. What I want to do with it or what my aunt always says, "The only way out of poverty is education." 

To that I say, "What is there to aim for when you have no goal?" Goals. In all honesty I've never properly kept one. Everything else I say is fueled to the same thing.

But despite all of this negative thinking, and my own indecisiveness and excuses and how contradictory this may seem, sometimes I think that just living, is enough for me.

And from there, maybe everything will work itself out.